Tuesday, September 13, 2016

Less Stress and More Confidence in Handling Reality

After I started therapy sessions, I had been doing better. It helped me learn how to handle my struggles and notice the differences in my parents and in my future plans. The therapist helps me speak about stressful issues. After I settled down about my parents and future another struggle came along. My boyfriend was having personal problems and it started getting worse. He was diagnosed with a medical issue. He is working forward on his issue.
I was told to try Psychodrama Therapy. I found a flyer about psychodrama therapy and decided to be brave and try it. It is offered in Evanston at the Unitarian church. There are different people and there is a different number of people every time. There is a $20.00 charge every time. I started to take it, and it helped me a lot.

 Every time at the beginning of the class, people introduce themselves and talk about their problems. Then they vote on what problems to role play. The session is to role play out frustrations you get from the problem chosen. Everyone participates in the role play and it gives you a different way to express all your feelings. It helped me to learn how to handle my boyfriends problems. Then my boyfriends problem became easier to handle. I am amazed at how role playing is such a helpful tool. So I joined the group. It is a different way to open yourself up, gain confidence and to reinforce yourself to work harder toward reality.

Tuesday, August 9, 2016

Changes Got in the Way of My Daily Life Routine

I know I have not been adding to the blog lately. However, I have been going through some changes lately. The changes can be hard to describe.

I had to learn how to handle my mothers new routines as she is getting older. Also I had a similar process with my dad. Yet when I figured it out, I was not myself. Someway I had to communicate that I wanted to know what was planned for my future. When I asked; I got the response “do not worry about it, because it is far down the road.” or “only you can pick yourself up and handle it.”

Yet these answers kept me lost at what I am to do. I now am meeting with a therapist who helps me be aware of where I am at, and what to do about it.

 When I explained to my parents what was happening, they thought I was making excuses or not wanting to try. That makes me scared to speak to them about my problems. I am trapped because they answer questions from how they we're raised. So now I am asking my brothers more, because they are more where I am at. Basically, all I am asking for is honest answers about planning for my future.

Thursday, March 31, 2016

Speak your Truth even when your voice is shaking.

Speak your Truth even when your voice is shaking.

 My parents are getting older and it is hard to train myself to accept that their energy is not the same as it use to be. I wish my parents could accept what I say and realize it is my reality, and that it is hard to express when I need extra help. I admit that I do not put my foot down enough because I am afraid of how people will react towards me. I do not want to hurt others. That is especially hard for people with S N (Special Needs) to admit what they are going through. Also it is hard for them to express it. A lot of times people with S N express their anger in a dangerous way because they do not know any better. I am grateful that I know how to express my frustrations, but I am scared about when to express them as well as to whom. This is why I believe it is time to turn the page on helping people with S N. It is time to get past thinking about what they can not do, and think about what they can do. For example; yes your friend can ride her bike around, that is great. I know you want to do that. But you can not walk, so what do you have to move around? You have your wheelchair. It may take longer, but you eventually get there. This is the positive kind of reinforcement people with S N need. They need to be reminded of their strengths and abilities and what they can use from what they have. Also the more they get the reinforcement and help, eventually they are going to see more of what they can do for themselves and others. We are aiming for them to do things for themselves, I would have benefited from that kind of reinforcement when I was a child. I could have expressed my needs better and felt I was being heard. Everyone just wants to be heard. Lastly, that would have made it easier for me to handle what I am going through.

Thursday, February 18, 2016

A Snapshot of my Life

A Snapshot of my Life

In the past couple of months, I experienced somebody being negative at work. This person was on the cell phone talking about people with Special Needs (SN). He was saying cruel things that are ignorant and cussing. I am a bagger at a grocery store and while I was bagging this person was constantly talking while I worked, and he paid at the register. My staff encouraged me to remain quiet while he was there. All of his ignorant and cussing statements were hurtful and made me realize I can't help everybody but I can do my best to help myself. I remained quiet, did not look him in the eyes, and smiled while I did my job. After the guy left my staff said it took a lot of bravery to ignore him. This experience made me wonder why I exist and made me feel some people are selfish. It was frustrating for me that my job says the customer is always right. It is hard to believe there are still ignorant people.

Also I in the past have mentioned that I am epileptic and have learning struggles. In the past few weeks I got too much stress on me and started feeling and acting crazy. I lost my balance and fell, my nerves tensed up and I could not move my muscles. As it was happening: I heard a person say I looked like I was begging for attention and being crazy. It was a stress or anxiety attack. I was hurt emotionally from people thinking I was looking crazy, because it is a real process. I am like not everything is what it looks like. It seems like some people are selfish.

I said last time we need to turn the page and try a new way to help people with SN get moving forward. Yes we need to learn their struggles, but when disciplining them: we can focus on the struggles to a degree. We should reinforce them to work on their strengths, talents, abilities, and qualities while they work on their growth. This way they'll learn how to cope with stress and anxiety more quickly. This is what we want for them. I know it can be done.

Wednesday, January 27, 2016

A new year.

           I know in the past when it comes to people with SN {Special Needs} we have focused on what their needs are. Such as: living skills, school work, speech, health, etc. So parents-teachers, etc. encourage people with SN to focus on taking care of themselves, and to work on their needs. But not encouraging them to focus on their strengths. 

           We are in the 20th century now. Maybe it is time to focus on the new technology that has been discovered. I have noticed getting them to focus on their needs and health only – makes people with SN often feel they often have to improve. Parents-teachers, etc. should also recognize their strengths:  such as {talents, abilities, qualities, perspectives of what is happening, etc.}. So as a community – all should work on accepting their needs and {while disciplining then as well as encouraging them to go forward} and reinforcing them to use their strengths while growing up. You parents-teachers, etc. might be amazed at how they feel more positive about who they are, and maybe they will open up about themselves. 

Friday, December 25, 2015

Learning who you are...

I am only 1 person of many people who has a mental problem in learning because of some kind of illness. I have epilepsy, and a Receptive Language challenge.

            • An example of my learning problem is conversation. If I do not understand the first sentence – I automatically think of questions to ask about the sentence. While I am thinking though, the person keeps going on – thinking I am listening. So then I miss the whole purpose of the conversation often. So while this person is going on, I try to ask questions but the person gets mad when I behave confused. Then frustration gets involved and messes up the whole purpose. People like me are considered a Special Needs (SN) person.
            So people with SN feels like nobody wants to hear the questions, or to answer the questions. Then often people with SN do not open up, because they are afraid of how people will react. The problem is not – the person with SN have too many issues and are lazy. Also the problem is not – people do not to want to hear or answer the questions. The problem is that not as many people are patient to take time to listen or explain the answers. That is the hardest fact that people with SN have to notice daily. Because of that fact – people with SN see many people going on in life, but they feel they are in outer space mentally or emotionally. It all is due to the lack of people not wanting to answer or explain the small questions they have leading to their dreams.

            •Another example is asking a question like "What are we doing today?" You with SN get told nothing today. You say I want to go to the store. They say why not tomorrow? Now you are scared. So you say you need some time alone. Then they take you in a frustrated mood. Then you feel your opinions and wants do not matter, and you ask yourself why do I try at all?  Yet you are only trying to say I need space from everyone.

           When I am alone – first I figure out what is making me scared and afraid of life? Then I have to write down a list of what is scaring me. Second (like a puzzle) I have to organize the list and create a picture of what is going on with me. Last I have to look at the answer and somehow figure out why it is this way (it is called analyzing). I often believe people do not understand my way of learning. That means they do not see when I am often feeling rejected while I am on the step of asking questions. So I have to explain myself to them. But when I try to explain – they say "Oh forget about it". 

I hate that answer because I still feel scared and confused.                                                                                                                                   
            Now from these articles, I am trying to say it works both ways. I was disciplined where I was not always focusing on my strengths. Yet I wish I had, because   I did not take my life more seriously until I was in my thirties before I noticed more of my talents, strengths, and abilities. People with SN focus on having  their talents, strengths, and abilities. Not on a degree or scholarship. It is important to with a SN child – encourage them to focus on their talents, strengths, and abilities as early as possible in life. The sooner they work on their talents, strengths, and abilities – the sooner they will know their dreams and passion. Last sooner they will become confident about their life.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    I know parents who have children with SN want them to be able to feel confident to go on with their life. So I recommend we work on them through discipline and encouragement to get them to be using their talents, strengths, and abilities – so they learn their qualities in life.

Wednesday, September 23, 2015

How it all began...

...and where I am today.

I got noticed for epilepsy and a mental disability when I was 2 years old. 

I went through childhood with an articulate voice and could describe what people felt like, and had medicine through childhood. Then at 20 years old, I went to a school that helped people to live independently. I was there for 2-4 years. I lived in apartments for a few years, then eventually started at The Center For Independent Futures. I was 43-44 years old then. 

Between 44-45 years old my behavior started changing on me. I was getting scared to go places, and was acting in other crazy ways. So I went to a private doctor to check out my meds. He said my meds were off balance and needed to get them sorted out. 

So we had me go through surgery [which was scary], to put in a Vagus Nerve Stimulator (VNS) inside of me. It is near my heart. I have been behaving better since I had it. My meds have been decreased a few times also. 

At age 46: I am behaving a lot better and feel more myself since I had the VNS. I am glad we did the surgery.